just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
Randomize
