Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
Randomize
