Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
