I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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