Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
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