one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
