oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
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