laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
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you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
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Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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