Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
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