I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
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