I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
Randomize
