We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
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