Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
Randomize
