never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
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