i jhust puked up my retainher.
Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
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