Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
Randomize
