I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize
