whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
