Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
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