I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
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