i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Randomize
