worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
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