Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
Randomize
