I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
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