If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
Randomize
