I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
Randomize
