look no pants
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
You are the jesus of drinking
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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