worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
I'm passing your future prison.
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
