Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
It's just like the Real World with babies
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
Randomize
