Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
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