I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Randomize
