i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
