you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
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