Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
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