do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
Randomize
