My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
I can't trust your balls anymore.
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
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