help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
The power of my boobs compel you
Randomize
