Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
I think I have vodka in my lungs
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
