Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
Randomize
