It's like God shit irony all over that family
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Randomize
