I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
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