My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
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