Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
Randomize
