Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
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If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
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And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
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