I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
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