You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
Randomize
