I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
Randomize
