The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
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