My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
Randomize
