The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
party gras won. party gras always wins.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
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