Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
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