i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
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