Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
Randomize
