On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
He is such a slut. More and more my type.
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
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