why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
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