What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
he shaved USA in his pubs
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
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