no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
Randomize
