Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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