Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
I wish I could teleport
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
You're breaking my sexual little heart
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
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