Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Randomize
