drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
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