If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Randomize
