3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
Randomize
