dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
do nipples grow back?
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