Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
Randomize
