HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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