Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
and i looked up. we had an audience...
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
