Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
Randomize
