I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
Randomize
