He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
Less talking, more tequila
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
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