I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
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