Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
How drunk are you?
Completed.
Randomize
