i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
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