There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
Randomize