BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
Randomize
