And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
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