Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
Randomize
