Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
Randomize
